Beating Anxiety: Walk Toward your Fear
Very often we worry and experience anxiety about things that feel scary and insurmountable. The reality is that when we have a anxiety-provoking thoughts, instead of examining the reality of those anxiety triggers, we believe them fully. Our subsequent thoughts, feelings and actions become based on our fears and anxieties as if we know that they are the truth.
Lets look at these two situations:
Jean is a 48 year old woman. She has been happily married for 23 years. However, for the last several months, Jean’s husband seems to be acting differently. He is distant and often distracted. He gets on his computer as soon as he gets back from work, when she calls him at work, his secretary tells her that he is at lunch. Until now Jeff ate lunch at his desk. When Jean tries to engage him in conversation over dinner, he seems distracted and disengaged. Jean is afraid that her husband may be having an affair.
I ask Jean if she had asked her husband anything and after hesitating for a few moments, Jean admits that she is afraid to know.
John is a single dad who has raised his son since his wife left when Mark was 2 years old. John states that motherhood was overwhelming for his wife and he has tried to be both parents to Mark, being a devoted father and putting Mark’s needs first and foremost.
Since Mark has joined a new high school after the family moved, John notices that Mark has begun to hang out with kids who get into trouble frequently. Mark brushes off and dismisses John’s concerns. Of late, Mark has become secretive and carries his phone with him even as he moves around the house. John believes that Mark does not want John to see his texts or calls. Last week John went into Mark’s room when the boy was in school and was alarmed to find expensive music and computer equipment that John knew Mark could not have bought with the money he made from the few hours working at the local pizza place. John believes that Mark has stolen the equipment or made the money to buy this equipment through illegal means. He has not yet confronted his son. He too is afraid of what he may find out.
Facing Your Fear
I often say to people — Fear is like a dog—it will chase you as long as you run from it, but as soon as you stop and turn around, you find it harmless and certainly less frightening.
On my recommendation, Jean decided to go home and ask her husband directly what was going on. He broke down and told her that his doctor suspected that he may have a rare kind of inoperable brain tumor that was causing his frequent headaches. The doctor had ordered a whole slew of tests. He had not disclosed anything at work yet and scheduled all his tests during lunch. He had also been pouring over the internet trying to research and learn more about his condition. He was relieved at being able to share the news with Jean and get her support.
John found out that Mark’s grades had slipped and he may not graduate high school this year after all. Mark admitted that he had stolen musical equipment from a small musical studio. He also admitted to smoking pot and selling it to classmates to make some extra cash. The good news was that Mark recognized that he needed help and wanted to straighten his life. John met with Mark’s guidance counselor. Together they structured goals that Mark needed to work toward to show progress.
Taking Action
John found an individual counselor for teenagers who was able to help Mark quit drugs and other risky behaviors. With a lot of hard work, help from professionals and a little bit of luck, Mark was able to graduate high school by the skin of his teeth. He decided to take a couple of classes at the local community college while continuing to work at the pizza place.
When we stop running away from what triggers our anxiety, we are able to put it in perspective and take action.
About Rochna: Rochna Hazra is trained in Marriage and Family Therapy at Virginia Tech. She includes the emotional, psychological, spiritual and family aspects of a person in her work. Originally from India, she combines the Eastern traditions of mindfulness, non-judgment and a holistic approach to healing with the Western approach of realism and solution-focused action.
Rochna uses Cognitive-Behaviorial techniques to help you overcome anxiety.
Rochna is also a Certified Advanced Relapse Prevention Specialist and trained in Sex Addiction and Mindfulness-based Therapy and Relapse Prevention.
Click here to learn more about Anxiety Treatment and my practice in Leesburg, Virginia
